Time To Say Goodbye

So What’s Been Happening Recently? #39

Today is the 23rd March 2022. It’s my birthday and I don’t feel like celebrating. This past month has been long, tiring. Both physically and mentally. Emotional, stressful and some other words I can not think of right now.

I woke up this morning with certain people running around my head who deserve the absolute worst done to them. But if I did any of these things to them they would win.

So what happened?…

Wednesday 23rd February. We got a call from Queens hospital in Romford. My father in law had called for an ambulance the day before and went in because he wasn’t feeling good. We were told to get down there as quick as possible. We arrived about an hour or so later. After finding the room he was in. We found him in his bed asleep. He had been drugged so he could rest. We were told he didn’t have long left. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I just waited. The wife was by his bed side talking to him. I decided to make some phone calls, trying to tell family members what’s happening. One was cold. One refused to answer the phone until the cold one called them. Then called back and made it about themselves. And one who actually gave a shit.

I returned and continued to wait with the wife and then it finally happened. He let go and rested. I was numb. The wife was a little relieved that he was finally at rest but completely devastated. So after we spoke to certain people and given a package on who to contact to help us. We collected his belongings and made our way home.

The next day the fun began. We turned up at the father in laws house. The wifes cousins were already there. Going through his belongings. Nice. The father in law was very happy to give spare keys to his family members. And they were now abusing that entitlement. Although, they probably didn’t see it that way. We were going there to find any paperwork to help with funeral stuff. We knew he didn’t have a will but we needed to find his funeral policy.

At the time we didn’t understand what was going on really. We just appreciated that they were there to help, like the idiots we were. We said to them that if there was anything they wanted. It was fine to have. We finally found what we needed and went home.

I had to go to work that night. I had taken time off the night before, to go to the hospital. I didn’t understand how bad I was, but I felt I should go. I turned up and explained the situation. Another manager ask me to go to a outside room and he would come and speak to me. I explained what was happening and he ask a certain question that is still making me crack as I type this. He asked if I was close to him. I said he was my best friend and that was when he told me I should go home. He could see I was in pain. He would place me of bereavement leave. I finally agreed as I realised I was in no state to be there. I held on for as long as I could. I started to go on the ride home from work. But as soon as I saw my wife I lost it and let go.

The next day we, with a friend, who would ended up being a god send in helping us through all of this. We went to West & Co Funeral directors, in Aveley. Julie was the person who helped us through it. She was lovely and patient with us. Taking us step by step through all the options available to us.

We chose the hurst and coffin. We were relying on the policy from the father in law. This would kick us in the arse later. We chose the date and time. And finally given the price. I wasn’t surprised at the price but it still shocked me alittle. The date would be the day before my birthday and as I was on holiday for that. I decided to use the rest of my bereavement leave for that week to make a start on things.

We went back to the home of the father in law and the cousins were again there going through his things. As no one had come forward for the TV he had we had offered it to our friend but when we arrived it was gone. We weren’t completely happy but we did offer it so it was our fault. The wife told them about the funeral. And then the cold one said that they had told her brother. The wife lost it.

You see the brother had abused my wife, physically and mentally, joined together with her mother. I had seen this happen myself. I know of a lot of nasty things he had done but I have no proof. So she had every right to say what she said. Telling him that he wasn’t invited to the funeral. But he didn’t care. And when he was told to leave. He dragged it out and finally left and never returned. Or so we thought.

Our friend brought his sister onboard to help and she was also a god send. That day we went for something to eat and when came back to start again. My father in laws friend rushed in and told us that the caravan had been taken. We found out very quickly who had taken it. It was the cousins. When told to bring it back. They refused saying they were “keeping it in the family.”

We called the police and they were not very helpful in the end. It took myself getting a call from another member of the “family” and given them sever GBH of the earhole. That another cousin called and finally said they would bring it back. It also helped that I plastered it over social media. So a couple of days later it was returned and I deleted the posts as agreed.

We decided to change the locks. So no one but us could enter from now on. How could we trust them? And they had the gall to be pissed at us.

From there on we continued slowly going through the father in laws things and for a long time it didn’t feel we were making any progress. I roped in my brother to help occasionally and slowly we went through it. The wife had to make a lot of phone calls to everyone connected to Mick. Family, friends and bills and other things. And things that needed to be collected.

The wifes birthday was coming up and we needed to get away. The stress and emotion was still present but a little break was needed. So we went to Margate for a few days.

I had to go back to work for a few days as my holiday had ended and luckily it was only a few so I could get back to what needed to be done.

The Vicar came around one morning to discuss the service and to try to release some pressure from the funeral. Rev. Andrew Bryant, from my first impressions was a genuine nice man. But I did noticed that, at the funeral. If allowed, behind his eyes, he could do some vengeful things. But apart from that he was willing to help in anyway he could. And we really appreciated that.

During this time I created a blanket to be placed on the coffin and created the order of service for the funeral.

Whilst waiting for the policy to pay out we found out the money we thought we were getting. Was not what we got. About a third. So now we had to find the rest of the money to pay for the funeral.

The caravan that we got back was not worth anything that everyone thought it was worth. It was in bad shape with bits missing and the oven door was smashed during the theft. We barely got anything for that. His cars: one had to be scrapped due to not working and being untouched. One car was given to our friend as it was promised and we were happy with this. His new ambulance, he had been waiting two years for and barely had a month with, had to go back to Mobility. His final car was still in finance.

With the car on finance, we decided to sell it to We Buy Any Car. We met a bloke called Rafiq. He works in a little hut at Lakeside Retail Park, West Thurrock. He was amazing. Due to his own experiences a couple of years before. He understood what we were going through and helped any way he could. We didn’t get much as the finance had to be paid off and what little we had left had to go to funeral costs. But Rafiq did everything for us. All we had to do was make sure we had certain paperwork for him to process everything quickly and smoothly as possible. A genuinely nice bloke and I would use his help again. If I drove that is. One little critic: Slow down when you call people. I know you have a lot to do. I am presuming you work mostly by yourself. But you do talk too fast on the phone. It took me a second or two to work out what you were saying. But I would definitely use it again.

Due to finding out about the limited funds we had, I decided to print the Order of Service myself and I had fun, using photo paper, screwing up and ruining the prints. Luckily, I just had enough ink for the job but we had to buy some more photo paper which ended up having watermarks on the back. I was using the back to print the second page but you could barely see the watermarks when printed. I also printed the words to all the songs and hymns and poems needed for the service.

The day before the funeral we went to see Mick at the funeral home and have a look at how he was presented. Due to problems, the coffin had to be closed but it was still good to see how he would be presented tomorrow. We also went to Tesco, beforehand. So we can get things ready for the wake.

Tuesday 22nd March. The day finally came. We got up early. This seemed a regular thing lately. After not much sleep, we got ready for the funeral. Our friends arrive and took us to Mick’s home and from there we set up for the wake. The warden of the complex was happy for us to use the hall. Afterwards, we just waited for the hurst to arrive.

We walked behind the hurst until we got to the main road and then got into the limo and went to the crematorium. Once arrived we walked behind the hurst again and to the main entrance. We then found out that people we didn’t want to turn up, turned up. The wife was devastated. Especially the nerve of her brother. The hypocrisy of all. He couldn’t have been bothered to sort out his own mother’s funeral leaving her nearly a year at the funeral home. And still didn’t do anything about it. We know this is true as the same funeral directors were used and they are still not happy with him about it.

The people running the funeral were told and even though they wanted to do something they couldn’t get involved. Our friend went to have a word with them and was basically told to do one.

So we had no choice but to go in and have them there. The wife was in such a state that I got our friends and family to encircle us so we wouldn’t be anywhere near them. The funeral was pretty much a blur for both of us. We finally left and said our thanks to the reverend and he apologised for the events and wished us well. He did make a couple of mistakes with the service. But I wasn’t going to hold it against him. We had a walk round to where the flowers were.

After trying to visit where my wife’s grandparents were placed. Which had been shut off due to construction. We headed back to the limo and headed back to the hall for the wake.

We were relieved that they never showed up. But those who did come were welcome. I was disappointed by the turnout. Mick had touched so many lives over the years. Always willing to help anyone when needed even when he was too ill to do anything, and barely anyone turned up. It was quiet, peaceful and nice. But disappointing.

We relaxed for a couple of hours. Talking, remembering and stuff. We still have a few things to get rid of and try to sell to pay off the last bits of the funeral. But for what we have achieved in our time doing this. I am proud of what we have done to send him off with enough dignity as possible.